Step Into Your Feminine
“A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing. She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her destination prepared to be herself” – Maya Angelou
My Story
My childhood was spent with two parents, two brothers and seven male cousins. My mother is on her own journey in a different season of life, and walking through new experiences and feelings with her has been a blessing. She has a strong sense of intuition and ability to nurture, but I didn’t understand the capacity of these traits until I became older. I was eleven years old when I got my first girl cousin, until then I was constantly surrounded by males. Meaning, I had a front row seat to testosterone, men’s competitive nature, and the subconscious placement of masculine traits as superior. Growing up as an athlete, surrounded by boys, and experiencing trauma as a young adult left me at 25 wondering why I couldn’t tap into my femininity.
As I’ve began to step into who I am as a woman, reflecting has been a major part of my growth. I used to be the girl who would see the “girly girls” in school and mumble “I could never wake up early just to do my hair and makeup”. At the core, this statement was simply a projection of insecurity, as deep down I wanted to look and feel as beautiful as the girls who so effortlessly walked in their feminine. Now, that’s not to say femininity is tied to makeup and dresses, but this is painting a picture of what my thought process was, and what I know so many other women are experiencing. I was also the girl who would get uncomfortable when men would pay for me or do things for me. I found myself saying things like “I don’t need you to pay for me” and “I don’t need you carry my bags for me” all in the name of doing it myself. Being feminine was (and still is) an uncomfortable zone for me to be a part of. My environment growing up, past trauma, and social norms curated the perfect storm, leaving me feeling ashamed to step into a feminine role as I saw it to be a state of weakness.
What causes women to turn away from femininity?
There are endless factors that play a part in what makes up our comfort zone. In this blog post I wanted to touch on the topic of feminism. I’m going to upset a few women here with these next few sentences, but it was something I needed to hear as well. The feminism movement has been one of the most detrimental social norms that has come out of the last century. I believe that women can go wherever they set their mind to. We have the intellect, grit, strength, and capabilities to break through glass ceilings. Simultaneously, I believe we as women have a unique and divine purpose, granted only to us. The beautifully complex ability to be intuitive, to love and nurture are gifts that should be celebrated and used. The world often degrades women who are in touch with their femininity and places value on worldly metrics or success, which happen to be primarily professional and financial. How many women do you know (including yourself) are filled to their ears with anxiety? How many women are having panic attacks on a regular basis? How many women have been living in survival mode for decades? Modern feminism deems men embodying toxic masculinity as our “safe space” while simultaneously undermining the beauty that is womanhood. Men and women are intended to be equals, but God did not intend for us to be the same. It’s time to celebrate the essence of womanhood! Women have endured centuries of disrespect, abuse, oppression, objectification, and mistreatment. It is almost blatant disempowerment to deny yourself the chance to embrace womanhood and the divine roles that come with it.
Healing your damaged feminine
One of the hardest things you will do on this journey (and yes, it is a journey not a 3-day delivery) is rewire your brain pathways. Trauma forces us to toughen up, go into survival mode, and build walls to feel safe. Whether that trauma was from childhood or adulthood, almost every woman has experienced trauma to some degree. When a woman is in survival mode, it diminishes those feminine and nurturing qualities that set us apart from the male species. As you practice rewiring your brain, you are reteaching yourself how to think and feel. Learn to sit in the uncomfortable. There are parts of us we hid, repressed, or didn’t explore enough when we were little girls or young women in order to adapt to our environment. As you walk through this journey, take a moment to be still and FEEL the strength that is womanhood. Sit in nature, find female artists that inspire you, try outfits on that make you feel beautiful, read about amazing women who have managed to become successful while also embracing their femininity. Part of being feminine is also becoming more in tune with your feelings. You will cry A LOT and over time you will rediscover that little girl within you that had to toughen up in order to survive. This is a more difficult part of the process and can often times be heavy. Counseling/therapy has been life changing for me. Don’t ever be afraid to seek professional help to walk through past traumas, my friend.
So, what now?
In Proverbs 31:10 it says “Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies”. God made you uniquely beautiful and more valuable than jewels. Remember this on your journey. Stepping into YOUR feminine and who God designed you to be is a lifetime process and will be ever changing as the seasons of your life continue to pass.
So, what now? Here are a few questions and exercises to jumpstart your journey!
What does femininity mean to you? (good or bad, give an honest answer and this will allow you to see what your approach is).
In what area or moments would you like to be more feminine?
What could femininity add to your life?
What is 1 thing you could do this week to feel more feminine? Schedule it and do it.
A book I highly recommend is Women who love too much by Robin Norwood.
In recent weeks I have had this realization: no matter what I choose to wear, say, do, listen to, I am still a woman. This is something that is never going to change or be taken away from me. Be kind to yourself and don’t forget to slow down every once in a while. Sending you my love!